Konoha's Unique Festivities & the USC
by Temari 88
Summary: - "Konoha was famous throughout the ninja world for a number of reasons and, let's face it, not all of them were noble. Some of them were actually extremely stupid." - *Narutoverse AU; can't pick just TWO characters... Uchiha Clan&Sandsibs, mostly*


_Hello everyone! =D_

_Like always, the LJ community _naruto_meme_ is useful: their new challenge is called 'Versus Meme' so it's all about contests/fights/games. I found this prompt (**Uchiha Staring Contest - Somebody would be downright stupid to challenge an Uchiha to a staring contest. Doesn't matter who it is. Maybe it's one Uchiha against another.**) and I immediately started writing =3_

_As happens most of the time, I ended up making it longer that I intended - and going a little off-topic, but here on doesn't really matter._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but what I wrote._

_Ja ne,  
>Temari 88<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Konoha's Unique Festivities<br>****& the  
>Uchiha Staring Contest<strong>

Konoha was famous throughout the ninja world for a number of reasons and, let's face it, not all of them were noble. Some of them were actually _extremely_ stupid.

For example the annual Ramen Contest—which always ended up pretty badly, with either Uzumaki Naruto entering under disguise (he had been banned for life a couple of years before because it was simply unfair to other contestants to have to compete against the 'Ramen Black Hole') and turning everything into a mess, or Uzumaki Naruto _not_ entering but sneaking behind the stage where the kitchen was and eating most of the ramen that was to be used in the contest.

Or the annual PornFest—a week in which all the perverts, the nymphos, the S&Ms, etc... native of the Five Great Shinobi Countries would gather in Konoha for the time of their lives during which pretty much everything was allowed as long as it remained within the limits of the law, and as long as the participants kept to the rooms reserved specifically for them. Oh, and of course, during the week-long festival the visit of the famous Jiraya of the Sannin was guaranteed and highly awaited, together with the conference in which the ninja-writer read passages taken from his latest work for the pleasure of the audience.

Or again, the annual Pranking Day—this wasn't exactly an official event in Konoha, therefore it didn't even have a pre-determined day in which it happened. It was somewhat of an Uzumaki Naruto-established event, because the first 'edition' of this festival came to be one day, when said Uzumaki Naruto randomly decided it was time his village got a little re-styling and painted the whole Hidden Village with a rainbow of blinding colors during the night with the help of his army of Kage-bunshin (where he'd found all that paint, nobody ever knew). From that year on, the blond always gave the start for the annual Pranking Day painting the Hokage Mountain and the population of Konoha - those with some humor, at least - gladly participated in it as a way to relax and have fun for an entire day without thinking of the consequences. That wasn't actually stupid, just _ridiculous_.

But then, the _most_ stupid thing for which Konoha was (in)famous for was, without a doubt, the annual Uchiha Staring Contest.

Yes, you read that right. You don't have problems with your eyes, I wrote exactly that.

It was an old event, no one knew when it was done for the first time. Someone thought it went as far back as the day the village itself was born - rumors said the origin was to be found in how the location for the future Konoha had been decided all those decades ago... supposedly the Shodaime and Uchiha Madara had a staring contest while discussing said location, a silent fight that went on for days until a foolish member of the Uchiha Clan had the guts to complain, saying the two were taking too long to decide, angering Madara who turned around to glare the guy to death and therefore losing the staring match.

According to the records, the curse that left Madara's mouth had been so foul and so loud that people around the world had cowered in fear for two days, because of the echo.

Throughout the years, though, only a selected few had been able to stand any Uchiha stare for more than a few minutes—the 'Hall of the People who Can Withstand an Uchiha Stare' was depressingly near-empty: the only photos were the five Hokage's, Uzumaki Kushina's, Morino Ibiki's, Hizashi and Hiashi Hyuuga's, Orochimaru's, Hatake Kakashi and his father's and few others. None of it was of someone from the youngest generation... several kids had tried to win a staring match with the _Fabulous Starer Group_ composed by Uchiha Fugaku, Itachi, Shisui and Sasuke.

Sure, some had almost made it: Nara Shikamaru (who had fallen asleep in the middle of the contest), Inuzuka Kiba (who had lost because his dog, Akamaru, had gotten bored of standing there doing nothing and had thought of munching on his master's hand causing him to yelp and close his eyes), Neji Hyuuga (whose loss was said to be entirely Kakashi's fault as the older shinobi had the brilliant idea to shout at Neji calling him 'Hinata-chan' and thus making him turn to glare at him), Haruno Sakura (she had the highest possibility of winning, since her opponent happened to be Sasuke, but right when she was about to reach the record-time of forty-seven hours, she just up and fainted due to blood loss - her nose bleeding had had the better of her) and Aburame Shino (who had been disqualified rather unjustly because the judges couldn't see whether he was actually watching his opponent due to the sunglasses who always wore).

It wasn't until a particular group of shinobi arrived in Konoha, that someone from the youngest generation of chunnin really looked to have a fair chance of having their face in _THE_ Hall. That group was a three-men cell led by a jounin sensei and it was composed of: Sabaku no Temari, Kankurou and Gaara plus Baki (no one knew the man's family name).

They had arrived the day before the Uchiha Staring Contest and had been on the mouths of every citizen... the ones who were thought to be the best off to succeed had been the young woman with the four pony-tails and the huge fan and the short redhead with the gourd strapped to his back - they both looked like they didn't put up with any sort of crap coming from anybody, and people would swear they had seen one of the huge trees so common in Konoha wither under Gaara's gaze.

Temari had ended up against Itachi and had held onto those black eyes (the Sharingan was obviously banned) steadfast, completely ignoring the audience around the small stage that had been prepared for the two contestants... the woman had also had the guts - and the cheek, considering it was the Uchiha _prodigy_ she was facing - to strike up some light conversation with the raven haired shinobi. Surprisingly enough, Itachi had been rather talkative, for a change, and that would have been enough to grant Temari a place in the Hall, but unfortunately Kankurou had had the great idea of playing tag (_ninja_ tag, of course) with Kiba and Akamaru and, trying to escape from the dog's massive jaws that had been dangerously near his crotch, he had ended up crushing into the stage and into his sister who couldn't dodge.

Kankurou didn't manage to walk properly for quite some time after that.

Gaara, on the other hand, had confronted Sasuke. That hadn't been a Staring Contest at all... more like _Death-Glaring_ Contest... and there was an empty circle around the small stage on top of which the two teens were - there were a few bodies lying in the vicinity: people who had dared getting a closer look to the match but had died/fainted due to the sheer killing intent seeping out of the contestants' bodies.

When people were asked to retell how that match ended... well, most would shudder in utter terror: the two ninja had went on with their death-glaring death-match for seventy-two hours.

Yes, that's right, _seventy-two hours_—I'm not pulling your leg nor have you read incorrectly.

The two had continued to stare at each other for three days straight - without talking, without stretching (both had sat with their arms crossed). without eating (though they drank) and without shifting their gazes even of half an inch... oh, and let's not forget that killing intent oozing off of them.

Why they let that contest go on so long if the record to defeat was forty-seven hours, you may ask. That's as simple as it is stupid: everyone had been either 1) afraid of stepping up 2) laughing maniacally (but secretly) behind the boys' backs or 3) had just forgotten they were still at it.

In the end, it was declared a tie - still a first in the history of the Uchiha Staring Contest - and Gaara's picture had been placed into the 'Hall of the People who Can Withstand an Uchiha Stare' and alongside it - with honors and a special mention for having made Itachi actually say more that a couple phrases in sequence - was Temari's.


End file.
